How to Tune In to the Hidden Story in Conversations
Our stories about ourselves and what we believe to be true about the world dictate how we respond to whatever we encounter. That’s why it’s essential that we get much better at “hearing” other people’s stories, even when they are not sharing them openly. When we have a deeper appreciation of other people’s experiences, we are better able to authentically connect with them and offer thoughtful support. Use these coaching-based approaches in your day-to-day conversations to tune into those hidden stories. To learn more about this concept, watch this dialogue with Cylient CEO Dianna Anderson, “Tuning into the Hidden Story in Conversations.”
Coaching-based Approaches to Gain Insight into Hidden Stories
Listen from a Place of Curiosity and Compassion
Notice if you are having a reaction to the person that you want to connect with, particularly if you have a judgment again them or how they are behaving. Do your best to set that aside and get curious about how whatever the person is doing might make sense to them—even if it doesn’t make sense to you.
Ask yourself: What might matter most to this person?
Each of us is the hero in our own story, and getting what matters most to us is the central theme. Consider: how might the current circumstances be impacting that person’s story about who they are and their ability to attain what matters most to them? Ask questions like, “What is most important to you right now?” and “What’s getting in your way right now?” The answers to these questions can give us clues to what the hidden story is.
Consider: What might this person be afraid of?
When people are afraid, they engage in protective behaviors that may not make sense to others or may appear to be counter-productive. These behaviors can be the reason why their stories are hidden. Get curious about what the person might be responding to or be fearful of to better understand their actions. Questions such as, “What’s concerning you the most right now?” can help to illuminate underlying concerns.
Consider: What might be helping or hindering this person’s ability to respond?
Everyone has strengths and limitations—in our perspectives, our skills, even in our beliefs about our ability to respond at all. If we can better appreciate what people are finding most challenging, we can more compassionately help them to use their challenges to learn and grow. That is what we are going to talk about in our next Dialogue with Dianna.
Why This Matters Right Now
Right now, all of our stories are being challenged in some way. If we can help each other face our fears and learn from them, we can write new, better stories to connect more authentically, tap more deeply into our creative potential, and work together to co-create what comes next.
To do that, you need to be able to hear and appreciate hidden stories—our own, those of others and our collective shared stories. If hearing and responding to each other’s stories is something you and your organization find challenging, please reach out to us at Cylient—we can help you.
